Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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