Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize