Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
