if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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