you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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