why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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