Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
