ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Betty ford says i'm here all night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
