we're blogging at a bar
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
