just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There r osticjed everywhere
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
