where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i permit you to call me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
