So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
