Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
