anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
