That's intense
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
