If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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