You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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