Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
