His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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