i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
