There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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