omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A bitchslap is in order.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
