You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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