a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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