I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
