Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
