Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
