bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
