Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
