I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
4 words: hood of his car
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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