I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
