it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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