Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
