If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
