I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
