Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize