Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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