found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
