Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Randomize
