i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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