Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
