Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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