called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
