OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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