I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
