Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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