wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Drake has all the answers
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
