Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
