I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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