I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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