Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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