i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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