Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
high people should be assigned attendants
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
