is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
