That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
