At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
