my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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