all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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