So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
