you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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