Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
